this is me?

Sometime in August, I was catching up with a pal and she told me that my stories and how I felt about things were so much more interesting than what I’m currently writing about, and encouraged me to share those. It’s taken a while to feel less vulnerable sharing, but hey, I’m getting there. Here’s a little something from my actual physical journal earlier this month.

7 October 2018, Sunday

On Friday, I met my advisor, to discuss the topic for my paper and mode of submission. She likes it. She said it's really interesting, and that no one has done anything like that before. Also that the critical journal is a good choice for this topic. It's a relief that no one has done this topic before, but it also makes it more difficult because there's a lot of groundwork to cover. I really do have my work cut out for me.

Following that meeting, I set up the survey with Typeform because I told myself that if I ever need to do a survey again, I'd use that, just because it's pretty. It's the design conscience speaking. And also because people are doing me a favour by responding, so it's only nice to return the favour and let them have something pretty to look at. And hey if you're reading this, hello, thanks for responding!!

It's going good and I'm getting responses. And everything was perfect until I started reading the results. Turns out, not everyone cherishes heirlooms like I do. There was an incident (prior to, but still about the survey) in particular that really got to me. Okay, let's be real here, it made me spiral a bit.

The whole thing made me question why and how I'm so unlike the average 20-something Singaporean girl. Why do I think so differently from so many people? Why do like minded people seem so far and few in between? Why does it feel like I'm fighting this long (and sometimes) losing battle alone?

And this isn't just with regards to Try Wonder and ethics and sustainability and education and traditional craft, but also with approach to heritage, heirlooms, jewellery and even life and relationships.

But regardless, I'm also constantly reminded that I'm me for a reason and that I think the way I do for a purpose. There's a bigger picture and a bigger plan out there. And Lord, I pray You'll help me fulfil that plan and purpose You’ve put upon my life.

Of course, it helps that I generally enjoy being me. Eternally thankful and loving the fact that with each year of growing up and growing old, I'm kinder to myself.

Ps. I’m sure there is something to uncover with these results, even though it was not what I expected at all. Just gotta dig a little deeper! Also, I thought this might be nice to share, but reading it again, it seems so pointless because there’s no main point to this. I’m practically rambling throughout. So much so, it took me longer to think of a post title than to actually type this out.